What's In A Kiss :-)
By Zoeyphoenix
I know a few people who share this same sentiment. To them, sex is seen as nothing more than a handshake, but a kiss holds a much deeper meaning.
Fairy tales eulogize kisses. Sleeping beauty was awoken by her true love’s first kiss. Fiona took on love’s true form after kissing Shrek (I bet no one was expecting that outcome, lol), and the same kiss turned the frog and the beast into handsome princes. Kisses have always been a symbol of something magical. But really, what’s in a kiss.
In my experience, I’ve found that in more cases than others, a kiss could turn out to be nothing more than a disappointing anti-climax. Mills & Boons (M&B) succeeded in distorting reality when they described a deeply passionate kiss as leaving you weak in the knees and breathless with anticipation, the only obvious sign of such a passionate kiss would be a flushed face and swollen pink lips. That my friend, is pure bull!
This leads me to my classification of kisses, and I feel it best to start with the M&B type kisses which I prefer to call the Crab Kiss.
I’m a big fan of kissing, and half the time I kiss a new guy more out of curiosity than anything else. Although I am very particular about who I kiss, germs are real you know. I love the heady feeling and rush of emotions that usually accompany that first kiss, especially when its unexpected. However, my first Crab Kiss was anything but lovable.
As I said, the Crab Kiss is the stuff M&B novels are made of. Being an avid reader of M&B in my teens I had been looking forward to being kissed just like that. Imagine my shock and revulsion when the guy swooped in for a kiss and almost immediately I felt a crab’s claw clamp down on my lips, but instead of yanking my lips right off, he started sucking on it like it was mother’s breast milk and his life depended on every single drop. Chewing and sucking on the succulent cherry mango that was meant to be my lips. That experience left my lips looking like Jay-Z‘s lips after a Botox injection – swollen, painful, and ugly. Had to tell anyone who asked that I sleep-walked into a door, it definitely felt like it.
Then there’s the Dog Kiss. I’m certain you can already picture that in your head. But believe me it is not the same as actually experiencing it at the hands of a human being. My first, and only, Dog Kiss left my gag reflex working on over-drive. The guy came at my face with his tongue as a weapon of destruction, not pleasure. Before he even got to my mouth he had started licking everything within inches of it. My face, my lips, my nose, before attacking my mouth. I just about shoved him off as I felt the nausea kicking in. That relationship ended before it even started, he never knew why. There was definitely no future in a relationship where I have to disinfect my face after every kiss.
And it gets worse, the Leaking Faucet Kiss. Yes, this kiss is as icky as it sounds. It has some elements of the Dog Kiss. The guy did not just lick, he deposited pools of saliva wherever his lips touched! At one point, I could feel it oozing down the side of my face into my ear, cos I was lying down. I don’t know if he felt the need to lubricate my face or something but it was by far the most disgusting kiss I had ever experienced. I could not wait to put my dettol soap to work.
Now the Octopus Kiss. I’m sure most of us have seen those viral pictures of couple trying to win the ‘I Can Swallow You’ competition. The guy’s mouth is wide open, almost as if off its hinges, and half his partner’s face has disappeared into the gaping hole where his mouth once was. Thankfully, I have never experienced this kind of kiss before and I hope to God I never do. It gives a whole new meaning to ‘I Love You So Much I Want To Eat You Up‘.
The Choking Kiss is rarely experienced. It takes a guy with a freakishly long tongue to deliver a Choking Kiss. This kiss involves the guy sticking the whole length of his tongue into your mouth just to see how far it’ll go. While you’re still looking for a way to get his climbing plant of a tongue out of your mouth before he completely cuts off your air supply, he’s too busy admiring his tongue dancing at the back of your throat to notice your struggles! That shit crazy!
It gets better though, was saving the best for last. The award winning type kisses that epic romance movies are made of. After my encounters and different trials and errors in Kissville, I finally found a winner; the Soul Mate Kiss. Its almost like you’re reading each other’s minds and you know just what the other wants, everything in sync. You lose all awareness of everything and everyone around you. This kiss literally sweeps you off your feet, takes you to cloud 9 and leaves you floating all the way back to earth. Another kind of high from the usual weed and opium. And when you finally break apart and open your eyes, you go “Hello World, I’m Back”! with a stupid grin on your face like that crazy spooky Cheshire cat from Alice In Wonderland. Trust me, you haven’t kissed till you experience this one.
I guess the morrow of the story is that, yes, there IS power in a kiss, its a special and beautiful thing and there’s something to be said for the love and intimacy it signifies. That being said, my message here is that there is an even bigger power in the delivery of said kiss. I mean who didn’t feel the ‘heat’ when Kirsten Dunst‘s character and Spiderman shared that infamous up-side-down kiss in the rain
What really is in a kiss. What do you think… Check out her Blog here at: